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25 December 2007 @ 12:23 am
Doctor Who: Fine Arts; Ten/Rose; PG  
Title: Fine Arts
Author: lieutenants
Pairing/Character: Ten/Rose.
Genre: Comedy.
Rating: PG.
Summary: Short little ditty. The Doctor gets grumpy attempting to make a masterpiece out of glue and macaroni.
Disclaimer: If only.
Author's Note: Present for Carina (boxed), who wanted some Ten/Rose arts-and-crafts action, and him being absolute crap.

Enjoy! And merry Christmas to those who celebrate!



Rose picks a long, muck-colored web of glue from the palm of her hand. It glides off in one piece if she pulls slow enough, and as it peels itself noisily from her flesh she coos, "Looook..."

The Doctor glances up at her, then at her shedding hand. He makes a face. "That's disgusting," he mutters.

"So cool," Rose says to herself. She tilts her head to get a look at the colored paper flat in front of him, but she still can't make it out clearly. He's a good three feet across from her. "All right?"

He snorts and tugs at his nose. "Think so," he chirps. He grins. "I love crafts."

"Do you, now."

"Yup." He pops the 'p' with his lips. "Always got top marks at school, bet you didn't know that."

"They had arts and crafts in the Prydonian sector of the Gallifreyan Academy?"

"Fine arts," he retorts.

"This is macaroni pictures for mum's birthday, not a lecture on the Medici's legacy of patronage for renaissance artwork."

"Lorenzo was a git."

"You only say that 'cause he dug my arse."

"Oh, he did not."

"'Signorina, the quality about your backside is something to be marvelled at.' That's what he said."

"Please," says the Doctor. He takes a sip out of his apple juice resting on the table. "The man would flirt with anything. He'd flirt with a jar of strawberry jelly made up in eyeshadow."

"You calling me a slutty can of preserves?" Rose narrows her eyes. The Doctor smiles.

"Hee, hee."

She tosses a dry macaroni at him. "You're horrible," she mutters.

He blows several times on the glue he's just drizzled on the construction paper, waits a second then holds it up for Rose to see. "What do you think?" he asks.

There's several bits of macaroni arranged to make a (sort of) smiley face, encircled with glue for the head. It's dripping down rather quickly, and Rose watches as a dribble of it drifts into the eye of the face and carries the noodle down to the bottom of the picture.

"Looks like it was assassinated," says Rose. The Doctor stares at her and glances down quickly at the picture.

"Oh, bollocks," he grates. He picks up a napkin hurriedly and begins tidying up the glue.

"Glue's not for decorating. It's to hold stuff together. Or didn't they teach you that at the Prydonian academy?"

"Quiet," he growls.

"Maybe you should try popcorn necklaces, bit less complicated..."

"Not popcorn necklaces!" he snaps furiously. "I won't be downgraded to that...nonsense. Look at my macaroni smiley face...!"

"Why a smiley face?"

"For happiness." He frowns.

"Okay. Here's an idea." She pushes a small cup full of magenta glitter towards him. "Sprinkle this on the glue, yeah? Then it won't look disgusting. Sort of more like a winking drag queen who's sobbing out of one eye."

"There we go, just like mum."

Rose snaps him a dangerous glare. "Oi."

The Doctor follows her instructions, blows on the picture once again, sending a sparkling purple glitter-cloud briefly in the air. He yelps as a grain or two lands in his eye, opens it. It rolls defiantly back into his head and he howls again.

"You okay?"

"I hate glitter," he hisses. "This is why I don't do glitter."

"Run some water on it."

"No, I'll be okay, it--aagh!"

"Doctor."

"Your mum better be worth all this, Rose, 'cause really..."

"Yeah, I do think a triangle of construction paper with glue and dried spaghetti is really too much. How about you chew a stick of gum and spit it in her hand, that's much more deserving, I think."

"Didn't mean it like that." He attempts to blink sincerely at her, but one eye's streaming with tears and the same color as an ape's behind. "You got a mirror?" he asks.

She purses her lips, looks furtively at his picture before picking it up gently and holding it up to his face.

"Ha, ha," he grunts.

"Seriously," she insists, "popcorn necklaces."

"No."

"Why not!?"

A contemplative pause is all he emits for a moment, the skin of his eyelid is swelling. His mouth becomes quite tiny. "Fruity Pebbles bracelets," he mutters.

Rose smiles. "Done."

"But only a few colors. I don't like the orange ones."

"Whatever you like."

"Will you help me?"

A moment. "Seriously."

"Rose..."

"Honestly, that you can repair a burnt-out hypomodulator with an erratic spark fuse but not be able to string breakfast cereal together..."

"It's a different part of the brain!" he snaps. "And it's not always been this way, my first incarnation was a master at this rubbish. And the Fifth. I'm telling you, I could do wonders with a spindle and some thread back then."

She cracks a grin. "You used a spinning wheel?"

"Isn't important," he says.

"Doctor--"

"Fruity Pebbles bracelet, no orange, you help. Please."

Rose sighs after a rather pregnant pause and hums a brief note between her teeth. "Okay," she breathes.

"Hooray. You're gorgeous," he says.

"I'd better be," she murmurs. She picks up her chair beneath her and waddles over beside him, still hugging it against her bottom, then plops down beside him. He glances at her and removes his glasses, scanning his eyes up and down the length of her body before she says, "What?"

"Medici was a bit astute come to think of it," he says. "You have got a glorious arse."

"Give me insincere compliments all you like, I am not going to make your bracelet for you. Or you can expect a popcorn necklace with a tag signed your name on mum's birthday."

"Curse you," he grits.


--

Reviews are magical. ♥
 
 
 
and then the fireworks happened ☼ carina: dw║well four is my lucky numberboxed on December 25th, 2007 05:30 am (UTC)
There. is nothing in the world. that can beat this.
Everything is just perfect. PERFECT PERFECT PERFECT AND HILARIOUS
pretty sure I got a lung seizure because it's so true. Ten would be absolute shit at crafts AND A;SLDKFJAOW;IFJ ROSE'S COMMENTS. rose's comments. omfg. they were. indescribably awesome. I wish. this would have happened.

PLEASE DON'T STOP BEING THE BEAUTIFUL DIVINE CREATURE THAT YOU ARE.
omfg i love you. ♥ ♥ ♥
hezmanagirl: TenRose kisshezmanagirl on December 25th, 2007 05:55 am (UTC)
*wipes off her monitor AGAIN*

Gotta love those little moments between Ten and Rose - arts and crafts FTW!
claidi: loveclaidissa on December 25th, 2007 06:02 am (UTC)
OH MY GOD THIS IS SO EXCELLENT
I laughed and laughed...! The banter! So perfect! ♥ ♥
You totally made my Christmas Eve. :D
a: John Simm- Smilesunshinesky on December 25th, 2007 06:27 am (UTC)
This is absolutely ADORABLE. I'm still giggling!
oh, my beautiful idiotrosa_acicularis on December 25th, 2007 06:55 am (UTC)
This is CHRISTMAS GENIUS.

Seriously.
Kat: dw-t/r; look how they shine for youtakethewords on December 25th, 2007 07:05 am (UTC)
THIS WAS SO CUTE. Ten smiling like a goon and using glue is just... Too fucking cute to imagine.

Merry Christmas bb!
(Anonymous) on December 25th, 2007 07:14 am (UTC)
Hilarious! The whole thing had me in stiches but this:

"Okay. Here's an idea." She pushes a small cup full of magenta glitter towards him. "Sprinkle this on the glue, yeah? Then it won't look disgusting. Sort of more like a winking drag queen who's sobbing out of one eye."

"There we go, just like mum."

This was beautiful.
Gillianne: {DW} Wink Wink Nudge Nudge Know What I Mrabidpotterfan on December 25th, 2007 11:15 am (UTC)
I think I hurt myself laughing! Seriously, one of the cats came in to check on me! That was awesome! Poor Doctor having so much trouble with his crafts. *smirk*

I'm going to add this to my memories so I can read it next time I'm depressed, I think it'll help. :)

Edited at 2007-12-25 11:16 am (UTC)
iwillrememberu: 10/Rose Age of Steeliwillrememberu on December 25th, 2007 12:05 pm (UTC)
Awwwww!

That was brilliant :)
Melora98: doctor presentmelora98 on December 25th, 2007 03:14 pm (UTC)
This is just about THE most perfect sweet little funny moment-never-seen-but-surely-happened that I've ever read. You've got it all spot-on perfect. I bow to your creativity and to getting the glitter in the Doctor's eye. And, "It's a different part of the brain!" ohhhhh, I laughed!
Perfection, absolutely!!
earlgreytea68: Christmasearlgreytea68 on December 25th, 2007 03:34 pm (UTC)
This was FANTASTIC. You cannot imagine what a lovely gift this was to me this Christmas morning. And this: "Yeah, I do think a triangle of construction paper with glue and dried spaghetti is really too much." Made me laugh out loud and had my family asking me what was so funny...
boycotting FOX because they terminated T:SCC.: doctor-rosexbriyeon on December 25th, 2007 05:04 pm (UTC)
Love the comments about Rose's arse lol.. xDDD this was so cute. ;D Ten <3 arts & crafts
Shen: TARDIS laughmaniacalshen on December 25th, 2007 05:29 pm (UTC)
This was perfect and HILARIOUS. This line was wonderful: "Looks like it was assassinated," - Only to be trumped by the line about a winking drag queen. Please tell my you're going to put this on Teaspoon. I want to favorite it there. XD
she burns like the sun;: drwho; it's who-mas!likethesun on December 25th, 2007 05:33 pm (UTC)
sudfgslfjhsjdghkasgas HOW ARE YOU SO AMAZING? I swear, everything that comes out of your brain is utterly brilliant, and so was this, I loved loved loved it. AND I LOVE YOU ♥ MERRY CHRISTMAS MY DARLING!
Carolyn: squee!femaelstrom27 on December 25th, 2007 07:42 pm (UTC)
Wow. I was NOT expecting this to be so funny, but I think I soiled myself laughing. Ten is so crap at everything! I LOVE HIM!
drox: vogue!masterdrox on December 25th, 2007 07:47 pm (UTC)
LOL!!!

Really.. I laughed out loud and my 'rents (at whose home I am enjoying Christmas) and brother wondered what was so funny. They're not fans and it's just too hard to explain.
Lily of Shalott: Geeky!Ten (cheesygirl)lilyofshalott on December 26th, 2007 04:25 am (UTC)
HEE! This is fantastic. =D
clarice_cat: Bouncy Tenclarice_cat on December 26th, 2007 07:30 am (UTC)
Awww, that's so cute!!!
orange_crushedorange_crushed on December 26th, 2007 02:47 pm (UTC)
Sort of more like a winking drag queen who's sobbing out of one eye.

I'M CRYING.

With laughter, natch. This is absolute, utter genius. I love the two of them lovingly cutting at each other, and your dialogue is an absolute riot. No, er, pun intended.
woodencoyote: tinselwoodencoyote on February 21st, 2008 01:06 pm (UTC)
I knew someday this icon woul be relevant to the conversation. I can just imagine the doctor injuring himself with glitter...
C.colorbox on April 6th, 2008 08:17 pm (UTC)
adorable. i want to smother 10 with my boobs.
Luezah.iamashamed on March 4th, 2010 06:04 am (UTC)
omg I'm late but I just looked through your fics.

I LOVE THIS.